It was been, in a word, exquisite. Let's take a look at some highlights and lowlights of the year in chronological order.
The year started off with me failing a drug test for my DUI diversion course, having to start the three month program all over again with just a couple of weeks left. That was quite a defeat, I felt hopeless, like I wanted to give up. Why I was using the stupid specially timed cleansing/cloaking drink and not fake pee or just quitting, I'll never know. I wanted to abandon my ship and start over again but I couldn't. There was no where else to go. This was it for me. The beginning of the year also marked the start of not being able to drive until October. Ugh, that took forever. I relied solely on Madonna, my landlord, Jimmy, occasionally Anna and eventually Mark for rides everywhere. I hated feeling so helpless. It sucked but this was the consequence I had to face for getting in trouble. In January, I also applied to work at my dream store across town and after being denied, I was humiliated. I could barely look my boss in the face since I had to call and inform her of what I was trying to do directly after my interview. Oh well, we must move on. So yeah. The year got off to a rocky start.
In February, I was proposed to by Jimmy. It was a rather romantic affair in the cafe he worked at after hours. He decorated the place and made a private meal for us. Never in a million years did I think I would be proposed to and it finally happened. The ring was really gorgeous too. It felt nice... for a while. As you can see through my tale, our relationship was very tumultuous before and after he popped the question. I knew it wasn't going to last. He was awkward and reclusive and I just wasn't attracted to him like I was in the beginning. I waited too long to break up with him and for that, I feel most guilty.
March was a big month for me. I completed this horrendous diversion program which included attending thirty AA meetings to show the current courts I wasn’t a flake by taking care of my drunk in public charge from three years prior (oops), most of which I was accompanied by Madonna; One or two of these meetings I brought Jimmy because I thought he really needed but he shrugged it off (later claiming it helped, anything to get me back). Anyway, I paid off all the diversion fees to put me in the clear for my court date four months later. In March, I also officially broke up with Jimmy five days before his birthday and a week before he was taking me to see Faul McCartney in Portland. It was shitty timing but I just couldn't take it anymore. I definitely wasn't happy the way a newly engaged woman should be. I couldn't maintain the guilt of being with him out of pity or so he could fill the role of boyfriend. And I certainly couldn’t handle the baggage he was bringing to the table. It was time and obviously he hated the idea.
April was filled with work and steering clear of Jimmy's advances. I stupidly held onto the ring simply because he asked me to which sadly created a false hope for him. I made an awesome Easter egg scavenger hunt for Madonna with clever personal rhymes and a mega prize basket at the end. When she read the first riddle, I forgot who I was dealing with because she didn't get it at first lol Still we had fun together and that's what matters. What happened in May was completely unexpected. Jimmy was still pawing at me but I wasn't budging. I had caught wind that one of the technicians in our pharmacy had broken up with his girlfriend and we had recently become friends on Bookface. I had had a little crush on him for some time <I>before</I> we friended one another so I thought screw it, I'll tell him how I feel. "I always thought your girlfriend was a pretty lucky lady." And that was it. My life changed. We started flirting and hanging out on the seventh and became exclusive on the twelfth. The twelfth was also the day I gave Jimmy his ring back behind the P&W. I wanted to cut all ties so I could devote myself to Mark. This was the first time I had ever broken someone's heart and actually had to watch them crumble before me. Regardless, my heart was moving on ergo I had to move on. Mark and I dated, having late dinners or a cup of coffee at our favorite diner across town and drove to the beach as well, one of my favorite things to do at night. He wasn't who I thought he was. With a thick exterior, he's actually quite a goofball and a softie who enjoys playing video games. We spent a lot of time getting to know each other. I was really falling for him and I felt like he was falling for me too. Then suddenly it all stopped.
June came and with it, heartache. Mark's ex was really trying to break the two of us up by texting me stupid trash and sending him my mugshot to scare him away. It was ridiculous. Eventually though, it worked. She gave him a sob story and tugged at his heart strings (having a big heart: one of his many qualities I would come to know). He silently broke it off through a text message on the night we were supposed to go on a double date with his sister and her boyfriend. I was crushed. At that point, Unfortunately my whole world stopped. I felt destroyed. I had opened up and talked about marriage with this man, I thought it was all good but I guess it wasn't. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. What's worse is we worked together. Tuesday nights hurt the most. I was the only manager so I had to interact with him at the end of the night. He would bring me the registers from the pharmacy so I could count them and walk out without a word. My heart broke each night. June was tough. I finally pieced myself back together with a lot of help from Madonna, stranger's compliments from the Internet and calling off work to recuperate. It took a lot to dig myself out of that wretched hole. I'm glad I was able to speak my mind to him that day behind our work, asking him how he would like it if someone had some pretty extreme feelings for his child and then just took it away because of a psycho ex. Anyway! In the end, I was happy and felt stronger having gone through such hell. I even lost a bit of weight. I slowly got my confidence back.
July was a whirlwind of emotions. It started decently with Mark more or less crawling back to me, realizing he wasn't happy without me. I remember that night like it was yesterday. He had dropped off the tills and of course I did not want to make eye contact with him so I made myself look busy at the computer. As he was clocking out, I could feel him standing at the time clock which is directly diagonal from our work computer, as if he wanted to say something but then he quickly clocked out and scurried off. Then I got a text message: "What's Up". It took some time to forgive him but eventually (months later) I would get over the grief and jealousy of being left for a pretty unstable person (they have history and I can understand that, thankfully it's over now). He gave me a week to get out my frustrations but unfortunately I kept them in for quite a bit longer because I'm Chelsea, that's what I do lol. Anyway, my birthday was alright I guess. My coworkers surprised me with a Luna from Sailor Moon fruit cake that wasn't gluten free so I didn't even get to have a bite of it. Still it's the thought that counts. Nobody really does things like that for me anymore so it was nice. I have to rewind back to the beginning of this month because Madonna had been diagnosed with a disorder at the beginning of the summer and it really affected our relationship. When she realized I was back together with Mark, she insisted that I move out. Over the course of the next two months, she was back and forth with the subject, even buying uhaul boxes one night and hastily packing up my things on another. It was mental. I feared for my cat's safety and truly hated going home at night. I went to Idaho with Mark and his kid for a week which was fun, seeing a new state, getting away for a while but Madonna sure wasn't happy about it. Life was strange, I was in constant tears. I was so happy at my terrible job and spending time with Mark but at home, life was grim. I had to do something.
October was scary and not just for Halloween's sake. Eventually I grew tired of Madonna's terrorism and acted on one of her threats, to "gtfo... stupid bitch." One day I was having lunch in the break room and was chit-chatting with Walt, a fellow coworker who I've worked with for a couple of years now that has always made me smile. Earlier this year, I had heard a rumor that he was looking for an apartment with Martin, my mega crush from the past, but that idea fizzled for them when Martin transferred away. I asked if he was still in the market for such an endeavor and come to my surprise, he was. So after weeks of searching for something local that fit our specifications and an awkward phone call to Leonidas, I found the perfect place. Madonna was very upset about this but I really needed my sanity and sense of security back. I was living in packed-up mode for two months, almost moving into Mark's house but thankfully holding off. I really felt like I was relying on him too much at that point and no offense, but what if he breaks up with me again? I’m not going through that kind of debacle again. A week after moving into the new apartment, I got my license back. The ultimate freedom. That was it, Life was back to normal. Having to pay my own way has been tough. I've had to call on Madonna's help a few times and maxed out a credit card to fix my car, but oh well: it's my bloody car. The only asset I have left in my life besides my brain. Aside from the guilt of "abandoning" Madonna, life has been pretty swell since then.
To be fair, October was pretty friggin awesome as well. From getting my freedom back to becoming more independent. I also got a pay raise and now make the most money an hour that I ever have. Still think we're underpaid but even though that place is a cesspool, I feel blessed to have such a job. Halloween was pretty sweet. I wore three costumes since I had to work the holiday weekend: Queen of Bats, a German Barmaid, and a sexy witch; The most festive I've ever been lol. I carved pumpkins with Mark and Kiddo and they came out really great! Eventually Madonna realized she couldn't ignore me forever since I texted her every other day to ask how she was when I moved out. She said we wouldn't speak for a while if I decided to leave but I didn't believe that for a second. Thanksgiving was nice. I had to work but ate a quick dinner at Mark's house on my lunch break. Madonna and I had an informal thanksgiving dinner a few days later so she was not forgotten. I've genuinely come to miss her since we don't live together, just like my doctor said would happen. Our time together is special since we're not in each other's faces everyday. Before the major holiday, I got a chance to work in some other stores for the P&W across town. I was astonished at the difference in customers and sense of urgency. It's convinced me that now I have to get out. Our store isn't like other stores lol it's special in a bad way. I missed the opportunity to transfer to a really great location in a town over and promised myself that this was my last holiday season at this store and when another position opened up somewhere, I would take it.
Christmas was pretty spectacular. I managed to pull off buying gifts for all my family in the Springs AND sending them on time. It cost a fortune but oh well, it was Christmas. I made goody bags for my coworkers with lottery scratchers and brought fun stuff to the holiday potluck. I went out with a bang because this was the last time I'd be doing something like that. I bought gifts for Mark and his family, maybe too many for Kiddo lol Madonna was taken care of. I forgot a few people but all in all, I did pretty well. They were still accounted for in the end.
I really grew a lot this year. A lot of maturity and experience has been placed on my belt. It's been a crazy ride and I hope that this year, things will be even better. I made a few resolutions, a few promises to myself and I hope to achieve them as <i>this</i> is the last year of twenties. Ugh, I'm getting old.
-Be more Kind/Generous
-Be more punctual/prepared
-Out of debt by 30
-Quit smoking by 30
-Finish associates degree
-Get back on stage
-Send cards/Communicate with Family